I was 7 years old, preparing for my first “Field Day” at school. I was competing in the broad jump. I was so excited. Mom bought me a special outfit for the occasion. New clothes were rare in our house, but she made an exception for my special day. The outfit was a double knit shorts set…white shorts with a purple and white striped sleeveless top. I looked at myself in the full length mirror and was mortified! I was fat! My stomach stuck out and my legs were pudgy. I went to school so embarrassed, so ashamed and humiliated. Of course I didn’t place in my event. My day was ruined. That was when the spirit of “ugly, fat and gross” entered into me.
From that day forward I needed people to affirm my worth and value through my appearance. I was boy crazy, and yet, once a boy showed interest in me I was done with him. Obviously something was wrong with him if he liked someone as flawed as me. I didn’t see myself as likable, lovable or attractive. I could not receive unconditional love, nor could I freely give it. I built walls emotionally and physically to keep me safe. Deep inside I knew I was unworthy of true love, yet I craved it.
I wrestled with weight all my life, just as my mother before me. I was obsessed with my weight no matter what the scales said, it was never good enough. For brief times I would get to a decent weight, only to succumb to cravings and weight gain again. I was always on the hunt for the magic solution, weight watchers, Atkins, low carb, keto, south beach, north beach, Dr Gundry, Dr Phil, Dr Berg, one meal a day, vegetarian, vegan, raw vegan, no fat, all fat and multiple types of fasting. Then I saw online how people were receiving supernatural weight loss. I was intrigued. I asked God to show me if this was real.
Slowly he began to open my eyes to his extraordinary love for people struggling with weight and self-esteem issues. The first revelation came during a weekly bible study at my church. The pastor was teaching on Psalm 82. Basically it goes like this; “If you would have only obeyed me, then I would have made you so successful that nations would have bowed before you. I would have rewarded you with fine flour and rock honey. However, you refused to listen to me, so I was forced to turn you over to your own counsel.”
Wow, one reward for obeying God is pancakes! Carbs are not my enemy! This was radical. I didn’t want God to turn me over to my own counsel, so I went home and returned all my health, nutrition and diet books to the library. I began to seek God alone for my health. It was difficult. I came from a legalistic, works based salvation background where you were always looking for the magic formula, prescription or recipe for God’s favor. My whole life imitated this paradigm. As I sought God for weight loss I made lots of mistakes. Nevertheless, he kept giving me scriptures which gave me hope.
One day I was complaining to Jesus, “You don’t know what it’s like to be a woman…you don’t understand how embarrassing it is to be overweight. How could you possibly relate to someone like me?” He answered, “Oh really?! Didn’t I bear the spirit of heaviness in the garden? Didn’t I despise the shame of the cross? I know more about heaviness and shame than you ever will, and that’s why I can help you, if you let me.”
One day, I was literally begging God to show me if supernatural weight loss was real and if it was the ministry he wanted me to have. I wanted sign from heaven, a thundering voice out of the sky, something irrefutable. As usual, he brought me back to his Word.
He started teaching me about the vineyard owner in Matthew 20. He had me focus on the eleventh hour worker. This worker got paid exactly as much for one hour of work as the one who worked twelve hours. I could obtain from God the same reward as those who work out and meticulously eat only birdseed and protein shakes for years! Hallelujah! I asked God to help me understand how this works, specifically, what is my “one hour” in all this? If a thousand years is as one day to God, then one hour equals forty days. From here I asked God, “What is it you want me to do for forty days?”
Long story short, he told me to eat only animal products for forty days. In that time I lost twenty pounds! I was so successful that I continued on this carnivorous diet, thinking it would keep working. However, after forty days I lost no more weight. Finally I remembered to ask God for my next step. He instructed me to stop adding fat and coffee to my diet for forty days. The weight started dropping again. He has even given me “fine flour and rock honey” as a treat once in a while, without any weight gain.
I’m not advocating for any diet regime, only for God’s perfect plan for your health. Scripture mentions lots of different diets God proscribed for people at various times and for various reasons. Perhaps he will send you to one of those. God has the perfect plan for you. Seek him and he will let himself be found. Keep knocking and the door will be opened to you.
Each time I ask God if supernatural weight loss is real, he answers with scripture. It’s always related to his intimate love for us as individuals. Your walk may look different than mine, but the point is He cares for you more than you know. He relates to your shame and your struggle. I encourage you to sit alone with God, ask him questions and write down his answers. Below is a journal entry of such a time with God, sitting still, asking and listening for his answer:
Dear God – I desperately need your help to lose weight. You said you would help me and you said you would use me to help others lose weight supernaturally. Did I just imagine this or did you really say this?
My child – I gave you the gift of writing…write yourself to me…see me show up on the pages. No more procrastination. Write it, experience it, teach it to others. I will be with you in the process. This is more than a weight loss miracle, it’s a journey for us to take together. Stop wasting my wisdom…put it down in writing…live it…believe it…believe in me. I don’t want to set you free until you are ready to be used by me to set many captives free. Obedience is better than sacrifices made in diet or exercise…exercise the gifts I gave you. I did not make you a great athlete. I did not make you to live restricted of my bounty. I made you to live in abundance. Your weight is all the gifts I’ve entrusted to you, they are bound up inside you. All I ask is that you release the power of words which I have entrusted you with. The kingdom is NOT food & drink…it’s righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. Your miracle, the miracle you seek, it will come from your pen and I will multiply the effects of this gift. I will use you…I will bless you to be a blessing to thousands of my hurting children who are calling out to me for deliverance from the prison of their bodies. Don’t worry about anyone who is critical of your calling….YOU JUST WRITE!
Pentecost Sunday, 2021 – God launched this ministry on Pentecost Sunday. After 2½ hours of praying in the spirit, Jesus came to me in a vision. He looked into my face, then changed into a lion. He told me to get on his back so he could take me for a ride. I said, “Oh no Jesus, I’m too heavy, I would hurt you.” He told me to place the version of myself on his back that I thought wouldn’t be too heavy. I put the seven year old “me” on his back. I was wearing the double knit Field Day outfit. He took me to the house of my childhood, the one with the full length mirror. He showed me how the spirit of fat and ugly got on me that day and tried to destroy my destiny. He said, “It wasn’t your fault, it was never your fault.” The spirit of that ugly thing left me. I went into a deep groaning cry, so deep it took my breath away. Tears flowed as I realized he was healing me, delivering me, loving me and setting me free. I couldn’t stop thanking him for what he had just done.
Next we were in a large grassy field. I was my current self and Jesus was Jesus again. After thanking him again I said, “Jesus, I need to ask you if you really want to use me to help people receive supernatural weight loss?” He said nothing, he only turned around and showed me his back. It was brutalized beyond any human description. It was horrific. I started to cry again, it was a very painful thing to behold. He said, “Tammie, don’t you believe there’s enough healing in my stripes for these people?” He told me to turn around and look. Behind me I saw hundreds of obese and overweight people coming towards us. I looked back at Jesus and he told me to heal them.
That day I was set free from a lifelong struggle to receive love and to love others without judgement. It led to the revival of my marriage and the birth of this ministry. There is more than enough healing for anything you need today, including weight loss. Jesus loves you so much. Let him walk through this process with you, let him pour out his love on you in the places you thought were off limits. If you think your sin is too great for your God to forgive and heal then you need a different God. Jesus’ love will heal anything!